Half-Hearted Motherhood

As I've wrestled with having balance in my  life (see previous post), it's been clear that this take a toll on my mothering. It's been half-hearted. Distracted. Selfish even. Those thoughts have crept into my head and sometimes make them across my lips, "I just want to eat my dinner." "I just want to go to the bathroom (alone)." "I just want to _______." And while these thoughts and comments might seem harmless, it doesn't make my children feel loved and important- which they are. I'm sure it probably throws a tinge of guilt their way because they are the reason I can't "just _____". They're preceptive and can read the resentment in my tone.

So there's a blog that I read from time to time. It is encouraging, enlightening, inspiring and real. The author is about my age with 3 little ones. She is into natural living, the art of homemaking and lives out her faith in the midst of her motherhood. I went there looking for some type of lift. Something to help me feel not so alone and ridiculous. I found it. A guest blogger posted on Whole-Hearted Motherhood. Check out here if you'd like.

But here's an excerpt that resonated in my soul. She quotes another author and then writes:

Her beautiful description of whole-hearted mothering–in contrast to my own messy attempts at being the mom I wished I could be while juggling so many other balls–prompted me to pray a dangerous prayer.

“Lord, change my heart toward my children.”

I wanted to view them not as distractions, mess makers, and cute-but-time-consuming barriers between me and my definitions of success, but as gifts that allowed me to be what I’d always wanted to be: a mother. I wanted them to become my highest priority, and I knew that required heart change, not another set of rules or a new schedule.

It is time for me to pray that prayer as well. Here we go...