Lessons Learned

December was lovely. Well, minus most of our family getting sick at some point. Not so lovely.

I felt like my spirit and my schedule were truly able to slow down. My soul found pleasure, joy and satisfaction in the advent of Christmas. However, what I didn't see coming, were some of the consequences that come with slowing down. For better and for worse.

Consequence- (noun) a result or effect of an act or condition.

Some of the better consequences of a slow Christmas season were less stress and more enjoyment. I stopped. I played. I had lots of extra sweet moments with my kids and with our family as a whole because I was satisfied with just being. And some of the "just being" was just being at the foot of the manger. Sharing readings and songs and conversations about the newborn King with my children. Love and excitement grew thick in our home.

One of the not-so-hot consequences of this unhurried season: not getting stuff done. It's not like I didn't get anything done. But when it came down to it, there were things I needed to let go of. Letting go is always hard for me. It was the hardest lesson I learned after my first baby and even more so when #2 came along 15 months later. Just let it go. Let the piles pile and the floor be sticky and leave the lists unfinished. So hard. But two words kept popping into my head: Do Without. We will do without. We'll just have to do without. And we did. And Christmas still came. And it was lovely. And I need to do without much more often.

While I learned to let go of some things, I also had lessons in embracing others. Back in November I shared some thoughts about gifts. And while it is still the desire of my heart to keep things minimal, I have learned I cannot and should not control the gift-giving of others. Because of divorce on both sides of the family, we celebrate 4 separate Christmases. And it's great. I love that we actually get to continue celebrating right into January and even February some years. We are blessed with beyond generous families. And for some of us, gift-giving is how we show our love. So I'm thankful for not only the pool pass and the zoo pass and the Imagination Station membership and the day at Memphis Kiddie Park we'll have this summer- those gifts of experience I desire so much for my family. But I'm also thankful for the abundance, maybe even excessive gifts poured out in love to our children. Lavish love that I dare not ask others to refrain from giving.

The Gift of Experience

I'm over the Christmas lists. Already. I have enough stuff and so do my kiddos. Don't get me wrong: we are so richly blessed and thankful for the things we have. With 4 separate sets of parents/grandparents, there is always an abundance at birthdays and Christmas. And for that I am grateful. Many times the monetary gifts we receive at Christmas will be our personal spending the rest of the year. With a tight budget of $10 a month of personal money these days, I am SURELY looking forward to some of the blessings that will be flowing our way this holiday season. Don't get me wrong.

It's just the stuff. Okay, I'm talking about toys. We've got a closet full of them downstairs and bedrooms stocked upstairs. Even a few bins in the attic that can be rotated in on a rainy day.

For the past several years, I've had this inkling to simplify. To purge. And not just to purge the excessive amount of kids' stuff in our home, but my closet, household products, etc.

But it's HARD. Especially when it comes to my closet. I like having lots of options. But I also like having a tidy, well organized closet with hangers that are neatly spaced apart from one another. If you think that's strange, I'd just like to say that I've come a long way from previously color coding and arranging from sleeveless to long sleeve. Baby steps.

So while these ideas of a simplified and more minimalistic lifestyle have been tugging at my heart, I needed to put it out there. There is something about telling others about the things living in your head that make them real. That invokes action. And maybe I'll even find some fellow sojourners along the way. I know you're out there...

Along with cutting the clutter from my heart and my home is the desire for my kids to cherish experiences and time spent with others or serving others over stuff. It's been a blast and a blessing to ask for a received gifts such as a pool pass, Imagination Station membership and Zoo membership in the past. These things are a good start. But I want to foster a love for seeking, exploring, doing and serving. I believe that these are true gifts, and deep, meaningful blessings can come from such things.

My dear friend and pseudo-mother, Laura Grace Weldon, often writes on this idea. She's onto something, has been for years. You can read about it here.

And so the question remains. Amidst my counter-cultural bend and good intentions, how do we keep gifts simple? Keep CHRISTMAS gifts simple? Please know that I am not anti gift-giving. I don't want to be a ba-humbug! Right now I'm just searching for a balance and to cut the excess. I'm looking for ideas and some friends who are along for the ride with me. Don't be shy now... :)

Mama First

We all wear different hats. We have different roles we play throughout each day, each week. As the Glass City Marathon approaches, my role as a runner has seemed to be a hat that I am putting on more and more. It's taken a hunk of time, for sure. And I've been putting unnecessary pressure on myself to stick with the training plan and follow everything to a T.

I made plans Tuesday morning to meet a new friend and running buddy for a run at 5:30 am. The night before Millie woke several times as her nose was stuffy and snotty. Then finally, at 4:30 am when I tried to put her back in her crib once again she kept crying out to sleep in our bed. I knew my alarm was about to go off in a half an hour, which would wake her. And I HAD to get a run in, especially because I was meeting someone I didn't know very well to run together for the first time. I didn't want to punk-out right off the bat. But the answer was clear. So I texted my early morning running buddy in hopes she would see it before she headed out the door. Then I brought Millie to bed along with some serious resentment.

Faithful running buddy texts back: We're mommies first :o)

All of the sudden my resentment turned to praise. Lord, THANK YOU that I have the ability to comfort my child. (It took her a whole .2 seconds to fall asleep after her head rested on my chest) THANK YOU that I have a child to comfort. THANK YOU that I can lay here until I need to so my sleeping girl can rest.

Why do I need reminded of my motherhood? To be reminded that it's a gift and a privelage? How forgetful I am. Ungrateful even.

Later in the week I had plans to meet a dear friend for lunch. Our get togethers are few and far between so I was especially looking forward to it. She texted me the day before to cancel because her kids, who are now in high school, wanted to get lunch with her that very same day since they were on their spring break from school. I was able to reply, "You're a mother first. Totally get it. ENJOY them!"

And so the freedom of being a mother first was passed on.

I struggle with this every day. It's hard for me to choose playing trains and dolls over doing some very real to-do's. I'm often reminded of a poem I came across in a very timely manner when Asher was a baby. Here's an excerpt:

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
-Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

People

It's really amazing that despite how horribly people can hurt one another, how easily people can also bless one another. It's just so easy sometimes. So simple.

The Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend, the Martin clan was walking through campus heading to church. (Brookside meets in a building on campus at BGSU) There was a campus police officer in his car who had pulled aside to talk to another officer who was on his bike. Asher excitedly ran up to the car, pure awe spread across his face. The officer let him peak into the car and before we knew it Asher was sitting in the driver's seat. They flashed their lights for the kids and let them crawl around in the hard, hoseable backseat. Yes, hoseable. I don't know if it's really a word but there was no type of padding in the back seat so it could be hosed down. Makes sense I guess. Especially being campus police, they must see all kinds of drunk ;) The really sweet part was that both officers were just tickled to be able to give such a treat to a little child. One of them even said, "Gosh, I'm glad I was here to see this." Made his day. Blessed his soul.

That same night we cooked out at our new place for the first time. This is really two stories in one, but this next part must be told. When the offer we made on this house was accepted last summer, our dear friend Matt Lochtefeld drove by the house to check it out. He noticed the folks who lived here were getting rid of their grill. It was out by the street with a sign on it that said "FREE". Well apparently Matt had a vision for this grill. Long story short, and there really is a lot more to this story, Matt took the grill back to his house in Perrysburg and cleaned it up. Once we moved in, he brought it back to BG and gave it to us as a housewarming gift. How thoughtful is THAT? And it's an awesome grill too. I don't know much about grills, but it's big and has a side burner and runs excellently. Bless my soul.

Back to our first cookout. A little over a dozen friends gathered in our home and on our deck. Some friends we hadn't even met until that day. All the better. People brought all kinds of amazing food. Weather was perfect. Laughs were shared. And the kids played happily for hours jumping from the pool to the swing set and back into the pool stopping only to collapse on a beach towel to refuel. Bibs and eating utensils completely unnecessary. Later, as Ben and I cleaned up from the day, our tiredness was muted by the retelling of stories and conversations that were had. Memories that had been made. Exhaustion trumped by joy. All because of people. Bless our souls.

These simple blessings through people go on and on. How have you been blessed by people lately?

Free

It's big trash week in BG. And yes, it's just what it sounds like: a week in which people put out their big trash. Furniture, old TV's, mattresses (ew), swing sets, you name it. But amidst the true, trashy-trash there are treasures to be found. I went out really hoping to find some type of furniture for our front porch and deck. My friend Lindsay was looking for shutters (decorative purpose) and maybe a desk for her apartment next fall. Within the first 10 minutes we found 2 of the 3. First we spotted a sweet little desk that would just need a touch of paint. Then, at the very end of that dead end street was an intriguing, medium-sized pile of trash. The items were arranged as though they were gifts under a Christmas tree. Here, Lindsay scored a round table with wooden legs and a glass top. The glass was neatly wrapped in a Hobby Lobby bag with a table skirt and some other fabrics inside. The legs were tied together waiting to be assembled and the wooden top looked brand new. Also in this arrangement were 2 wicker ottomans/end table type pieces and a short wicker table. Beautiful. Those were the only things we took, but there was a steamer in good condition, a foosball table with the balls placed in a baggie and taped to the table and some other really great stuff. I have a feeling whoever those people with the wonderful trash were, they knew that they were blessing someone. Later that night we did score some shutters, just as we were starting to lose hope. What a fun adventure.

Couldn't resist but to pick up this tot-sized table for the kids' playroom, too :)

I've always been excited by finding a good deal. But FREE is even better. Free with no strings attached. Just a true, genuine, gift. As I was reading in Ephesians this morning I was struck by the word free. 

"...to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."

 -Ephesians 1:5

The Message puts it this way:

 "Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free!"

Wow. Makes my free trash seem lame. But today I am grateful for free- both the tangible an the intangible. Thankful and quite overwhelmed by the free gift of a new day, a new try, another chance and the free forgiveness from my God and from those who walk in his ways. 

Oh the cheeks!

Seriously. Is there anything cuter than a little one's face in a hood or hat? Not to mention a snow suit! I'm hard pressed to think of something more adorable at the moment...

Millie and I took a day trip to Cleveland Saturday. Asher stayed behind with Ben and they shoveled after our first good snow. Ben said that a man walked by and Asher (in his normal, extroverted fashion) pronounced, "Hi! I shev-el like Papa". I love to see this little man have pride in helping out and wanting to be like his father. So powerful.

And as for Ben, I am so thankful to have a husband that I can leave one or both kids with for the entire day. That I don't have to worry or think twice, or even write down their schedules and what they should eat because he knows. He's involved. He's engaged. I'm thankful that when he walks in through the door after a long day of work, he jumps right in to play, or get the kids ready for dinner, or whatever needs to happen. And the best part is bedtime. Papa is that bath-man, the story-time guy and the one who leads them into the word and prayer as each day ends. Where would we be without our faithful Papa?