Aruna

Field day was the most dreaded day of the school year for me. And only for one reason: running. I like sports and would consider myself athletic, but when it comes to running, I've just always dreaded it. Particularly on field day when they lined you up on the track against your peers and made you race to the finish. No matter how hard I pushed I always came in last or second to last. It was like those nightmares when you're running from the bad guy and you're just not going anywhere. Ug.

I married a runner. And I'm amazed and inspired by him. And now all these other people in my life have taken up running, even my own mother! (don't take it the wrong way mom, I'm just especially impressed because you're more "seasoned" in life ;) For anyone who has watched the Biggest Loser, these crazily obese people end up running marathons by the end! It seems like you runners just decide to do it. So when I heard of the Aruna 5K, I made my decision that I would "just do it". And to me, there is no better cause to run for.

The issue of human trafficking is gaining awareness. Have you heard about it? In the news? On the web? Through a friend? It's very real. Near and far. Greed and addiction. Money and sex. A dangerously powerful combination. It's so heart-wrenching, sickening even that many just can't/don't/won't admit it's a problem, or even acknowledge it.

And that's why I'll run. Because the things I might experience: fear, anxiousness, self-consciousness, loss of pride, physical pain are things that these women experience every day. Again and again. And that is what will keep me going. In the scheme of things this 5K is no big deal. But I will remember the symbolism in my running. And temporarily sacrificing some of my own comfort is the least I can do. I can run for their freedom.

Half-Hearted Motherhood

As I've wrestled with having balance in my  life (see previous post), it's been clear that this take a toll on my mothering. It's been half-hearted. Distracted. Selfish even. Those thoughts have crept into my head and sometimes make them across my lips, "I just want to eat my dinner." "I just want to go to the bathroom (alone)." "I just want to _______." And while these thoughts and comments might seem harmless, it doesn't make my children feel loved and important- which they are. I'm sure it probably throws a tinge of guilt their way because they are the reason I can't "just _____". They're preceptive and can read the resentment in my tone.

So there's a blog that I read from time to time. It is encouraging, enlightening, inspiring and real. The author is about my age with 3 little ones. She is into natural living, the art of homemaking and lives out her faith in the midst of her motherhood. I went there looking for some type of lift. Something to help me feel not so alone and ridiculous. I found it. A guest blogger posted on Whole-Hearted Motherhood. Check out here if you'd like.

But here's an excerpt that resonated in my soul. She quotes another author and then writes:

Her beautiful description of whole-hearted mothering–in contrast to my own messy attempts at being the mom I wished I could be while juggling so many other balls–prompted me to pray a dangerous prayer.

“Lord, change my heart toward my children.”

I wanted to view them not as distractions, mess makers, and cute-but-time-consuming barriers between me and my definitions of success, but as gifts that allowed me to be what I’d always wanted to be: a mother. I wanted them to become my highest priority, and I knew that required heart change, not another set of rules or a new schedule.

It is time for me to pray that prayer as well. Here we go...

Woman of the Future

Time flies.
They grow up so fast.
It all happens in the blink of an eye.
I find these statements to be true. I've only been doing this mothering thing for 3 years now, but I see the truth and reality in what everyone seems to say.

It's not just kids though. Time flies. Period. My heart and my mind have felt caution about this. Caution about busyness I suppose.

When someone asks you, "How are you doing?, does your response include the word busy?
"Good, but busy." "Busier than I'd like!" "Oh, things are busy right now..." 

What's with the epidemic of busyness? Please, someone give me some answers. I battle it all the time. And it bleeds into every part of life. Particularly family, friends and food. Those are 3 areas that I've seen busyness really attack- at least in my life. My relationships seems to take a serious blow when busyness strikes. Even when I'm actually spending time with my friends and family in the midst of busyness, I am not fully present. I am living in the future. The lists are forming in my head and next steps are being plotted. And when I am a woman of the future, I am grievously missing the present.

Fast food. And I'm not just talking McDonalds. I'm talking the loss of a table and chairs and people sitting in them. The loss of REAL food. You know, when time and ingredients are mixed together with love and care and conscience. Planning, purchasing and preparing meals takes time. Sure does. And I'm afraid we don't do those things when we get busy. I'm afraid the health of thousands of people has and will continue to pay the cost for our lack of care because we can't or won't take the time to plan or prepare or even think about what goes into our bodies.

So what's a girl to do? I know as our children get older there will only be more and more opportunities for things to get sucked into do. For me, it begins with a discerning spirit. There's got to be a balance between what I plan and being flexible. I don't want to miss out on something the Lord has for me because it's not written on my calendar. I REALLY don't want that. Would love to hear thoughts, advice, experiences that are out there. Even if it's just an AMEN-I'm with ya.