One Mommy's Diaper Woes

So I got this email from a friend, who shall remain nameless, and I got her permission to post it because it just needed to be shared with more people. Whether you cloth diaper or not, it makes for a good story. Prepare for a laugh or two!

WARNING: This email contains severe venting and semi-mild inappropriate language.

So, I've always been a big fan of our cloth diapers. I rave about them to new moms and try to convert others to the green side, the economical side, the oh-so-easy side of cloth diapers. Well, today I found my first real negative side to cloth.

The load of laundry started like any other. I emptied my full, stinky diaper pail liner with all its contents into the washer-pressed the rinse cycle, set them temp on cold and walked away to be productive during the last nap of the day. 45 minutes later I walked back downstairs, flipped all the switches on the machine to wash the diapers on hot and then opened the lid.

"hmmmmm...that's funny...the water has usually drained out by now," I thought as I stared into a full washer of diapers, liners and dirty water. So I put the lid back down and flipped the switches a dozen more times realizing that the machine had literally died right after all the water had filled the machine. Calmly (no, seriously I still was at this point) my mom and I pull out the manual, trouble shoot what to do and realize the two sentences the manual gives us just don't quite fix the problem.

Still no problem I think-we have our old washer in the basement and we'll just hook it up down there. This was after my mom suggested that I take sopping wet urine and poop filled diapers in my car to the laundry mat. (Better luck next time with that suggestion, mom.)

Now the mental breakdowns start to happen. As I stand above the machine looking into a full load of literal shit, I begin to wonder how the technician is going to fix the washer and man do I pity that guy for having to reach his hands into that mess. Again, my mom suggests that we take out all the diapers and see if any of them wrapped themselves around the middle of the machine. So, I proceed to stick my hands into the shit water to fish out all the diapers and liners. Surprise of all surprises-no wrap arounds-all of the diapers are as free as salmon swimming upstream to mate.

But the kicker is that I ask for a PLASTIC TRASH BAG to put the wet dripping diapers in. My mom and dear husband convince me that putting about 28 diapers into a laundry basket lined with only a trash bag on the bottom sitting in a sink will work just as well. As my lung fill with the fresh (well, really old) smell of raw sewage again-I cave into their demands just to get my hands out of the shit hole-(I mean washer). Later to my husband's credit-he did empty the whole washer using a plastic cup and dumped the water into the yard.

Mission of semi cleaned out washer for tech=achieved.

Also to his credit, he hooks up our old washer after he has to clear out half of our boxes in order to get to it in the very back of all our storage. :)

And here is where I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. I spend a freaking eternity in the basement trying to get the washer water temp correct. I think I've got it. So, once my son is asleep (or so I think) I make my way to the laundry basket, lined with a trash bag, holding 28 freaking disgusting diapers. I try to drain as much water out of them as I could and make a mad dash for it.

I grab to basket (which is really heavy) and start to make my way across the kitchen to the basement steps. But, oh looky here-the laundry basket has freaking holes all over it and the water/urine/shit start to slop all over the floor, all over my pants, my shirt, my slippers, the stairs-basically everywhere. I let out the most primevil scream and the first slew of swear words that enter my mind before I race the rest of the way to the machine and dump them in as fast as I can.

But, of course I'm not off the hook. As I stand there covered in crap from the waist down my washer decides it only wants to run on hot water even though I have clearly programmed it only for cold. Again and again I stop and restart the machine and only scalding hot-burn my hand off-water comes out. At this point, I am so pissed, so tired, and stink so bad that I don't even care if it ruins all my diapers. And since they are all still in the scalding hot rinse cycle I'll let you know tomorrow if they are ruined.

If you made it this far-I sincerely commend you for reading all this and letting me vent. And please pray that your washer never decides to break when it is full of shit.